Assumptions

I have the freedom to wear my hijab, just like any girl has the freedom to wear whatever she wants to wear. Who am I, or any other muhajaba, to judge her? But, who is any other girl to judge my hijab? How does my hijab affect her? How does my hijab affect anyone in society? My hijab is something I chose to wear, my hijab is what makes me happy, my hijab does not have anything to do with anyone.

Some people look at me and my hijab like they’re something strange, some girls ask me why I would wear my hijab when I look so beautiful without it, some people ask me why I don’t remove my hijab when I leave my parents’ company.. what they don’t understand is that all their assumptions rely upon the fact that I care about the dunia more than my Allah’s Jannah, some assume that the hijab wasn’t even my choice. The problem is that hardly anyone takes the time to understand my hijab, to understand my love for it. The problem is that they assume that no one will find me beautiful with my hijab, forgetting that they are looking from the perspective of “dunia”, forgetting that I have Allah and that my Allah makes me beautiful in so many eyes.

Some guys think that hitting on me in private is okay, because then I would be okay with it, as long as it is not in public so no one sees.. they do not understand that my hijab is hijab of my heart just as much as it is a hijab I wear. They do not understand the amount of anger and pity I feel when they try hitting on me, thinking that this way I might let go of my hijab, just because more people aren’t around.. they forget my Allah. They forget Jannah. They forget the amount of pride I have because of my hijab, and they forget the fact that they just made my removing of my hijab completely useless since they already find me attractive.

I walk in the streets sometimes, and I forget about my hijab. Not because I don’t love it, no, but because it has become part of my life and it has never been an obstacle. I forget that I’m wearing it, and I forget that some of the girls I pass in the street are not wearing a hijab, because I stop seeing the difference. Yes, we are different, and yes I am very proud and happy and thankful that Allah has blessed me with the gift of being one of the muhajabas, but I stopped seeing the difference because I do not care if you wear a hijab or not. I do not care, because I am not the one to judge, I am not the one to make assumptions about other people.

If you do not understand my hijab, take a second to understand. If you think I am not living my life, you are welcome to watch me live my life. If you believe I am not beautiful enough with my hijab, you are welcome to see how many people Allah has made see my unique beauty.

If we stop making assumptions for a day, we will all see everything in a much clearer light. I do love my hijab, I do believe in my hijab, and I care more about my Allah’s Jannah than this dunia. Do not judge me when you look at me, try to understand me. I am a person, with feelings and emotions, I may be funny or sad or sarcastic, I may like romantic movies or comedies or tragedies, I may prefer rock or pop or jazz, I may love chocolate or ice cream or even sushi. I am a person, not just a girl wearing a hijab, the hijab is part of me, not of how I look. Understand that.

Men & the Treasure of Hijab

I LOVE my hijab, I cherish my hijab, I find my pride and joy in my hijab. Whenever I express these feelings in public I usually get many reactions, one of them is wondering about guys in my life, and how it feels to have my hijab on around all guys, and what their reactions are, etc.

I may not be considered that attractive right now, and I may not be the girl who turns heads wherever she goes, but my hijab is definitely not a turn-off for guys. Guys may spend their time and attentions on girls without the hijab; girls who fulfill society’s image of attractive, but in reality, guys (muslim guys) really do appreciate my hijab. I know that for a fact. How?

If you are a muhajaba, a man looks at you and he sees your respect for your Allah, he sees the effort you put to make sure your Allah comes before everything else. He sees a different type of beauty, if you don’t believe that then you should, because do you really believe that Allah would make you wear the hijab then make you ugly in men’s eyes? No. Of course not. You may not be Kate Moss beautiful in their eyes, but you are a different type of beautiful. You become a modest beauty, you become an exquisite beauty, you become a beauty they want to know more about. You also become a beauty they respect. They look at you, and they see that beauty, but Allah’s gift to you is that they do not show the attraction they feel. It is a gift because you do not have to deal with not knowing what a guy’s intentions are, because no matter what, your hijab sends the message that this beauty is only for the real man. The gift is that the guy will not get bored after a while, you know why? Because your subtle beauty pulled him close to you, then he got to know you, the real you, without being too caught up in showing you off. He knows the real you, so he won’t get bored of your shallow beauty.

When a man looks at you, he sees modesty. When he looks at you he sees something he is not used to, but he sees who you are in that hijab. He sees your identity, you are not just another attractive girl, you are a beautiful muhajaba because of Allah’s gift.

I have seen many guys whom I know are in awe of me, whom don’t know what it is that makes me beautiful or attractive, but they know there is something. I have met many guys who have tried to know more about me, about who I am, because they wanted to know more about me. About my hijab. About why I wear it. And while they talk, I see the respect and appreciation in their eyes, and I know I may not be remembered as the beauty; but I will be remembered as special.

This is not a post about marriage, nor relationships. This is a post about self-esteem, yes there are limits, but as girls, we all know that each of us needs to feel attractive every once in a while. Do not believe that the moment you put on your hijab you are no longer desirable, that is not true. The moment you put on your hijab, you know that Allah will protect you from the men that don’t deserve your unique beauty. The moment you put on your hijab you get more than admiration, you get admiration, respect, awe, and appreciation. You become beautiful to a man, you become the type of beautiful he is in awe of, you become the type of beautiful he wants to know more of.

Men do see the beauty of hijab, Allah makes them see the beauty, the uniqueness, the modesty in hijab, and you win respect, awe, appreciation, and a piece of their memories.

Hijab does not make you undesirable. Hijab makes you a treasure.

The Hijab’s Version of “Beautiful”

There are a few things about humans that truly baffle me. I’m no genius, and I’m no psychiatrist, but I’ve been brought up in a home where I’ve learned how to read people, and how to understand them. But there are a few things that I cannot understand.

One of them is when a girl or woman takes of her hijab and returns to her life without it. I am not judging her, of course not, for who am I to do that? Nor am I going to start preaching about the consequences of such actions. I am just wondering, how?

When I first decided to wear my hijab I knew there was no turning back, there was no such thing as a choice to remove the hijab after wearing it. I think that is the root of the problem, if you decide to cut your hair but tell yourself there is a choice to re-attach the hair once you cut it then you will not go through with the short hair, especially if you prefer your long hair. The same thing is with the hijab, the hijab is a decision to give up some of your beauty in order to experience a different type of beauty. The beauty of Allah’s constant love and presence in your heart. But if you decide to wear the hijab, while thinking that removing the hijab is a choice then you are taking the decision with the wrong paradigm, because it will not be easy having such an attractive option and saying no to it.

Life with hijab is beautiful, I swear to my Allah that it is beautiful. It is the one thing that will make you feel peaceful at night, knowing that though you might have gone through with so many sins, because while you were putting on your hijab in the morning you told Allah “I’m doing this for you” he has been with you all day. You might have disobeyed him, but at least there was one thing you did right today. You may not be as attractive as many other girls, but what about Prophet Mohamed (Peace be upon him); would you rather be beautiful in a mere man’s eyes, or in your beloved Prophet’s eyes? Think about this, you may not be beautiful in the way everyone is used to, but do you are beautiful in a different way and your Allah will make sure of that. These are the things you must think of everyday while wearing your hijab, you must think of all these and know that you have made the right decision; and only because Allah knows that this is the right decision has he made sure that there should be no turning back.

Hijab is a symbol of modesty, and it should take place in the heart and soul as well as the body. There is no sequence for this, some people started with the physical hijab first, believing that it is right but without having it fully touch their hearts (me included); and others start the opposite way around. But the beauty of hijab is its modesty, so why, why would you ever let go of such a beautiful gift? This is a question, a real question, not a judgmental rhetorical one at all. This a question that every muhajaba must ask herself at times of doubt.

Another question; would you rather be in the Maldives or Jannah? Would you rather be beautiful and attractive in the human sense or in Allah’s way? Because Allah’s beauty has a place in dunia, I swear it does, I am sure of it; but humans’ beauty does not have a place in Allah’s Jannah.

I promise you, you will be thought beautiful. I promise. And another secret? You already are thought beautiful, but because you have chosen to be modest for Allah’s sake, He has thrown modesty into men’s hearts making them respect you. Hundreds of men appreciate your beauty, but keep quite, out of respect for you. This may not be your fantasy right now, but in reality it is what is best for you, because He is keeping you safe from the feeling that you are a pretty picture that men look at, and that is all. He is giving you a chance to get men to know you, for your beautiful sense, without feeling that they are only there for your looks, yes you are beautiful to so many of them, but in your ignorance of that your soul is so much more peaceful and blissful.

A muhajaba is beautiful, and she experiences that beauty daily, with her Allah.

“Muhajaba” not “Hijabi”

“Hijabi”; HUH?! You know these moments when you are that type of mood where you question everything? “Who am I?” “What am I doing?” “What is the goal of my life?” Well, in answer to the second question, I am currently writing my second post. The third question has an answer that is too philosophical to even try to write, it’s the first question that I’m writing about… “HIJABI?” When I looked in the mirror (again) and asked myself, “Who am I?” I thought of many answers, one of them was “hijabi”. I did NOT like that answer. So, what is a hijabi exactly? Why use that word? I mean, yes I do wear a hijab and that is a source of pride and contentment in my life, but why “hijabi”?

I do not deny using it before, I just did not really think it through. It is not an insult, and many people use it in good heart, but it holds such discrimination. That word has recently become an epidemic, “hijabi”, “hijabis”, “hijabi clothes”, blah blah blah. I hate the word. Hijab is part of who I AM. Hijab is part of my identity. Hijab is a way in which I keep my Allah inside my heart every second of the day. Hijab is, hopefully, a way to my Creator’s Jannah. Hijab is not my name, though. I’m not “hijabi”, I don’t introduce myself saying; “Hi, I’m hijabi, and I * age * years old.” It is quite obvious I wear a hijab, yes I am a “muhajaba”; but “hijabi” makes me feel like a scarf.

Okay, so if you are a funny person, do you say “Hi, I am funny-pants.”? If you are egocentric do you talk about yourself and say, “Yeah, and because I’m an “ego-centrical” I blah blah blah…”. NO. Why? Because this is part of who you are, its not part of what you look like. You can say “Yeah, and because I’m a brunette I thought red would be better” but you don’t say “Yeah, because I’m friendly I thought red would be better”. Hijab is me, its part of my personality. Hijab makes me who I am, hijab brings me closer to my Allah. Hijab has been the cause of many friends I have made, friends that Allah sent to me, friends that will pull my with them to Jannah. I am a muhajaba, yes, that just expresses the fact that I wear a scarf over my hair, but the hijab itself is a hijab of the soul, the heart, the mind. I am not a hijabi, because I am not the hijab itself, it is part of me, but not all me. “Hijabi” puts me in a box, one that could give an image of me that is not correct.

Yes I wear the hijab, but that does not make me like every other girl who wears a hijab. I am different, I have a high-pitched laugh that embarrasses the heck out of me, I have a really strange voice when I’m embarrassed (which is usually right after I laugh), I panic easily, I hope too much, I’m really sarcastic, and I ADORE my hijab. I believe my hijab is not just a scarf, and I believe that my Allah has saved me from so much by giving me the gift of the hijab. But I am NOT a “hijabi”, because I am not a creature which is duplicated into many, different looking girls who are called “hijabis”, I am not the same as every one of them.

There is also another thing, my beloved Allah has taught me not to group people, not to make assumptions about people. Who am I to know about what is in their soul. Yes, I do believe that the hijab is a direct order from Allah, and who am I to deny Him, and I do believe the hijab is in the best interest of every girl if she wear hijab on her hair and keeps it alive inside her heart. But I also believe that I have not been created to judge girls who do not wear a hijab, I do not have the right or authority to do so. Who am I to tell that she does not have a better heart than me? And even if she didn’t, who am I to judge her? Who am I to put girls into groupings, “hijabis” and “non-hijabis”. How can I discriminate against either one like that? And how am I supposed to allow any other person to do that?

Hijabi is a word that brings us apart, hijabi is a word which makes some girls without the hijab despise girls with it. Hijabi is a word which could have been a reason to push girls away from hijab. Yes, I am a muhajaba, just like my art teacher was a brunette, but I am not a hijabi. I am not similar to every muhajaba out there, and I am not different from every brunette out there. I may look different, I may have pride in my hijab which she doesn’t, but I do not know what is in her heart. And nobody can really understand what is in my heart.

I love my hijab. I find my pride and joy in my being a muhajaba, but that is because hijab is also in my heart. It is all because of my Allah, I do not take any credit for it, and I never can. My Allah brought me here, and he will take me to his Jannah. My Allah has taught me to hate the discrimination of the word “hijabi”, but not the people who use it. My Allah has brought me here. Who am I? I am a muhajaba, not a hijabi. Who am I? I am a really short, like really short, girl with a hijab, an embarrassingly crazy laugh, a power to blush like my life depended on it, a sarcastic sense of humor and a love for my hijab and Allah that surpasses everything else.

My Hijab in the Mirror

Every time I look in the mirror before I put on my hijab, I see so much potential – I don’t mean anything, it’s not like I’m stunning, or even beautiful, it’s just that I could be considered attractive with my well-kept hair and slightly curvy figure – but when I put on my hijab, the whole look changes. The same clothes do not look as attractive as they did without the hijab, however I see a different type of potential. I see even more potential, but potential to please Allah, potential to please my creator, to tell him that I am willing to give up my dunia (life) for His Jannah (paradise). That I am willing to give up my pleasure for His contentment.

I used to think that I was also willing to give up my self-confidence for His reda (contentment), but I was wrong. I may be giving up my self-confidence that is rooted in our materialistic world, and a dunia which judges me on my beauty and appearance, but in actuality, Allah extends a helping hand to me. Instead of the self-confidence that I used to posses, the one that could be shaken by a mere kilo gained or an appearance of a zit, He gave me self-confidence rooted in pride. Pride in my hijab, pride in my knowledge that I am doing what my creator has asked of me, pride in my knowledge that every step I take in my dunia with my hijab will bring me a step closer to Jannah with my Allah.

But Allah would never leave me alone in my dunia, no matter what the reward is in paradise. During my first two years of hijab I thought that this was one of the biggest sacrifices that I would ever make in my dunia, for I loved my hair more than anything in this world, and I am no angel; like any girl I wish to be thought beautiful, I want people to think me stunning. But during the last four years of my hijab I realized that my reward was also in my dunia. My reward is the feeling I get everyday while I stand in front of my mirror, tying my hair up and putting on my hijab, that feeling that He is with me, that He is pushing me forward, and that He is telling me that I am as beautiful as all those girls out there. My reward is the friends that I have made, and the friends that I continue to make, these ones who share my beliefs and values, for those are the friends of both dunia and hopefully Jannah. My reward is the look of understanding and respect that I see in guys’ eyes when they look at me, my reward is the look of tolerance that I see in the majority of foreign eyes looking at me. My reward is the confidence I have while wearing my hijab. And my reward is the love and attachment I have for my hijab, for my hijab has become part of me – not part of how I look – it has become part of my identity.

I look in my mirror after putting on my hijab, and I see a girl. She may not be the most beautiful girl ever, she may not have a hundred admirers, but she has her Allah with her every second of the day. She may not be the most attractive in people’s eyes, but she knows that her Creator will throw love for her into one man’s heart one day, the man whom she is destined for, and in his eyes she will be the most beautiful of all. She may not have the most perfect dunia, but she has a dunia that is full of blessings, the first of which is her hijab, and second of which is her pride in her hijab and beliefs. She may not enjoy her dunia like many others do, but in return she will enjoy Jannah like many others might not. I look in the mirror and I see my hijab. I see my dunia. I see my pride. I see my Creator’s wishes. I feel my Allah in my heart. I see His Jannah. My hijab is my dunia.